Thursday, December 6, 2012
One whole year
This is the very first picture I ever saw of you! Baby girl, I saw you, my beautiful daughter for the first time one year (and 4 days) ago on December 2nd. I will never forget that day. The prompting and then PUSHING from God to email our agency for news, any news on any referrals coming in for us? Anything?
Our sweet friend at the agency told us yes, there were two referrals that had just come in, one of them had cerebral palsy and didnt we say no to that? Yes we did but I want to see her file, please! Then followed a very exciting phone conversation with the same friend from the agency who had been watching a video of this little one who could potentially be our daughter! Well now this mommy could barely contain herself!!! Had I not listened to Gods still small voice, would I ever have seen this precious face?
The time I was on the phone was just before picking up my older kiddies at school, so I had to wait an agonizing few hours while the photo and videos were being sent to my computer! Was this her? Could she be our daughter? I was scared. We had originally said no to CP on our long list of "special needs" we had to go through. That was really hard, saying no to a child because of a medical condition, I wasnt sure what was right and wrong, what we could handle, what we wanted? Was what WE wanted important? Our friend at the agency told me on the phone that in the video this little one looked very healthy, walking etc. When I got off the phone I was pacing around my basement with little Noah napping upstairs. I cried out to God for guidance and He told me to take a step of faith, He told me to trust Him and everything would be fine. He told me that she was on the "special needs" list but she was in perfect health and that she was on there because that was the list we had decided to adopt from and that she was placed there because she was ours. Chosen by almighty God before time began, to become part of our family.
Fast forward a few hours (I had to go and do some work at the kiddies school) when I got there I could not contain myself and just grabbed them and even one of the teachers, lol, jumping and saying " we are getting a picture of a baby today!"
Finally home, I then called hubby up who happened to have his office Christmas party that night so he was going to be home late, so I emailed him the photo, and with all 3 children sitting on my lap ,waited for him to receive it so we could open it together. He actually said "we can look at it together in the morning." WHAT? Our potential daughter is waiting in the computer!!!!!! We have to look at it NOW!!! I think he was nervous like I was. How would we know if it was her? A feeling? Instant love? We were supposed to look at the medical information first and then the pic but really, how could we do that? What if she wasnt the one? HOW do you say no to a waiting child?
Precious moment. Hubby and I both scroll down the email at the same time and the first thing I saw was her jet black hair, at the top of the photo. As we both scrolled down, Isabelle and Evan both burst into tears, and I dont remember much after that because I was a blubbering mess. That was her. Beautiful. Beautiful. Faithie.
Hubby agreed she was stunning, and we had to get off the phone because he had to leave for his party. I then began to read her history and medical file and I will never forget that feeling either. To read how she was found and where, her beginnings, broke me in a way I had never been broken before. I had read many stories of babies being abandoned, but this was real and live and raw, right in front of me in print on my screen. I could not stop crying and a difficult weekend followed as we talked and prayed constantly for God to guide us. We decided. I picked up the phone and called our wonderful friend who volunteers at the agency and she was THRILLED. I then went on the walmart photo center and downloaded all her photos we had and enlarged them hugely and picked them up right away. Hoping we wouldnt run into anyone we knew while parading around with our giant pictures of our waiting baby we had yet to reveal to our family. We decided that we were ok with cerebral palsy, and that if she could walk, great, if she could not, we would deal with that. Same with talking. Same with everything else medical. Amazing what a fierce protection rises up inside your heart for someone you have never met.
And I had hidden away in my heart the promises that God had gave me. And just decided to take her exactly as she was, perfect. Made in my Father's image, a beautiful, beautiful girl.
This was taken just about an hour after I got Faithie. She cried herself to sleep on my shoulder. Remember Gods promises He whispered into my heart on the day I saw your picture baby girl? When I first got to hold her, my guide on the trip and wonderful lady, came over, knelt down beside me and softly told me "there is nothing medically "wrong" with her, she is perfectly healthy" I sobbed and sobbed and had that exact same feeling of utter disbelief, total amazement and perfect peace. The feeling that only comes from my sweet Jesus.