Wednesday, October 10, 2012

So beautiful and So hard


So incredibly beautiful.

And at times,  so incredibly hard.

How to deal with a behavior that my child is exhibiting, what should I do to help her?

Should she be disciplined when she does something wrong, or does that make her feel rejected and unloved?

GUILT.   When I make a mistake.  The guilt with my "adopted" child is so much worse and so much harder to bear than any guilt I have ever experienced with my three " biological " children.   Because I feel that she has already suffered enough and I want to protect her from anything bad, even though I know logically that is not possible.   I feel like I cannot and must not make any mistakes, but I know that is not possible.

So hard to start at age 2 and know absolutely nothing about those two lost years.   Two whole years.  Many scars on her body from falls that I was not there for.  Was she cold at night?   How often was she hungry?

A medical diagnosis that is wrong, and a doctor who cant tell me why because there are no medical records.

So so grateful to have my Father in heaven to lean on, to cleave to.

Today He gently spoke to me from Psalms, because there are a lot of days when all I can do is read the same passage in my Bible over and over again, without reading any further or going any deeper, and I know because of His grace that that is enough, because with Jesus, there is always enough.

Psalm 103:10-14

He hath not dealt with us after our sins, nor rewarded us according to our iniquities
For as the heaven is high above the earth, so great is his mercy toward them that fear Him
As far as the east is from the west, so far hath he removed our transgressions from us
Like as a father pitieth his children, so the Lord pitieth them that fear Him
For He knoweth our frame, he remembereth that we are dust

Today I am praising God that I am not alone, and I am praising God for His forgiveness, His mercy

My beautiful precious Faithie, you are a gift from God, Mommy will love you forever to the ends of the earth.  xoxoxoxoxoxoxo


  1. Love you friend and oh, how I share your heart, and understand your thoughts..... I am going to go email you right now. Stay the coarse.....

  2. Love you Mommy

    P.s: Yes,i do read your blog hehehehe!

  3. Yes...discipline shows our children that we care enough to make sure they are doing the right thing. We use "time out" followed by a hug and an explanation as to why they were disciplined. Or... losing privelages works well for us. And it usually only takes a few times and they understand. :) Your love will far outweigh the moments of discipline.

    Adoption is truly a blessing from above!

    Have a blessed weekend!