Calm and Panic

So while waiting for our little one, most of the time I am calm, resting in the Lord and knowing fully that we will have her in His timing which is ALWAYS perfect.   I rest in His peace and in His love and in His perfect plan for her and for how she will enter into our family.  With each bracelet order that comes in I am humbled and grateful, so grateful to our beautiful Jesus for bringing us to this place.

And then there are the moments of complete desperation and panic......when I let fear and sadness grip my heart and wonder when? how? who? and all the other unanswered questions that come with adoption.....I wonder where she is, if she is even born yet, if her birth mom, who maybe is pregnant at this very moment, if she is ok, what she is thinking as she carries her child....., what difficulties she might be facing, and if our daughter is already born.... is she well? is she cold? is she hungry?  I get gripped with a desperation to see her and hold her and love her, that I think  is good because it sparks a fire in me to get her home, and NOW!  It causes me to run around doing things to get her home, have garage sales, post new bracelets, etc.....and all the while I know that it is all for God's glory.  This whole process is a miracle and it is all because of my Jesus, not because of any human efforts, all by His grace and love for us.  It is because of Him that I will receive the blessing of being a Mommy for a 4th time....that we will welcome our baby into our house.

Then there is the list of "special needs" that my hubby and I must review and research.  We need to make check marks beside each need or medical problem that we think we can take on.   God has changed my heart so much and opened it up to see all of these waiting children in the way that He sees them....BEAUTIFUL, and in need of mommies and daddies to love and cherish them.   Being perfectly honest though it is a little scary, the fear of the unknown, we have been absolutely blessed with 3 healthy children who have hardly ever been sick. So we are going into a place we have never been....but God is all powerful and all knowing and he only gives us what we can handle.  And I thank God that He has replaced some of the ugliness in my heart with some of His beauty and opened my eyes to the needs of these children... the ones who are waiting, who might be passed over because their needs seem too great, or maybe they don't look quite "right", the ones who are going to age out of the system and be thrown onto the street,  forever stigmatized with the title of orphan.   This is so so wrong and so sad and so unfair. 

Starting on this journey has led me to read so many different inspirational stories of people stepping out in faith and going to get their babies, people who are doing it,living out their faith and  adopting older children who can't yet speak english, adopting children with severe heart conditions, adopting children whose medical history is unknown, children with HIV, children with extra chromosomes, this is AMAZING, this is the LOVE OF GOD, this is what the Bible tells us to do, to love the orphan. 

Not everyone is called to adopt, but every single one of us is called to love the orphan, the least of these, to help them in any way we can, through sponsorship, through helping financially with those who are adopting, doing shoeboxes, there are so many ways, and big or small they all help.

May God richly bless you and give you peace
love
elisabeth

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